Zombie Apocalypse Lawn Care Guide

Welcome to another installment of Zombie Friday!

Questions of the week:
 

Does the thought of your lawn grass reaching epic proportions cause you anxiety?

Are you worried about who will take care of your lawn during the Zombie Apocalypse?

Are you planning on hiring someone to mow the lawn once the Zombies start crawling?

Don't bother! 



Why?

The lawns always manage to get tended to.

(see, right there)

It seems to be a complete mystery as to how this happens. 

It even has Captain Picard all worked up, 

and if the Starship Enterprise can't figure out this conundrum, 

I'm guessing nobody can.

My theory:

It's those friggin' garden gnomes 

trampling the grass


Zombie Gnomes are the worst!

Don't believe me.

 

Did you ever wonder why we never see any pink flamingos after the Zombie Apocalypse hits?

 



 
Zombie Gnomes, not even the fairy tale creatures are safe.

Source: tips.by via Meredith on Pinterest

Because today I'm just too busy finishing this manuscript.

Choosing your Survival Team Leader for the Zombie Apocalypse

Zombie Friday: Survival Team Leader Selection

Now that you've had a few weeks to consider your Zombie killing partner,

it's time to move on,

it's time to find your Survival Team Leader!

And now you're thinking to yourself:
 
"Aw, Shit-sticks, I never realized the dynamics of planning to survive the Zombie Apocalypse! It's so in-depth, there's so many choices!"


That's OK

There's still time. 

So, who will you choose?

 Rick?




 

 

Shane?

 (let's say before he went cray-cray, season 1)



 



 
Daryl?

Truth be told, don't follow me, I'm definitely not the leader type.

Call my name if you're partner is choking on a zombie-apocalypse-squirrel-meatball, 
I'm trained in the Heimlich.
 
Call me if your partner needs CPR, 

or a wound to bandaged...

I'm more of the sarcastic loner type, definitely not leader material.
 And I'm pretty sure the last time I actually performed the task of running was back in 2002. 


 


So if those zombies can travel faster than a rascal scooter

I'm done for :(

The First-Draft Blues. Almost done with that novel? Or so you thought.

One Writer's Dilemma: The First-Draft Blues.

You know that point you get to when you're writing this great story, 

and you know what's going to happen next, 

you can see the ending, 

you can feel it 

and you want to hurryupandwriteit!

So you scramble, write it all down, 

you drink like 8 cups of coffee and 

write as fast as your little fingertips can manage, until they have blisters!

and then your done!

Right! Right! Yay!

Except your word count is too short.

and you forgot about that one really important scene

and you forgot about Bob, he hasn't been seen in four chapters

and on 

and on

and on

 

But you don't care, because your first draft is done!

Victory is yours!!

And you have a growing list of other novels you really want to get started on.

So you have your proof-reader take a look,

Maybe it's your spouse or your best friend.

And you pace around their back while they read, and you stare at their face and try to figure out what they're thinking. 

And they say: 

"What happened to Bob? Did he die or something?" 

or 

"Wasn't there some really important relic you were chasing around? Where did it go?" 

or 

"I thought you were going to put some sex-ing in this, I'm left feeling so... tense."

What you really wanted them to say was: "This is Amaze-balls!"

 

But instead they're like:

Enter sadness and the First-Draft Blues.

What do you do?

Hang on!

I go back to the beginning and start editing. Just knowing that the novel is almost complete is enough to settle the rising excitement/anxiety/panic/relief feelings. 

And this is the stage I'm at now. 

Which explains how that entire bottle of wine got drank last night. 

And now my liver is crying.

How is your government preparing for Zombies?

Zombie Friday: How is your government preparing for the Zombies?

If you live in the good 'ole U.S. of A our government has done nothing more than ignore the possibility of the Zombie Apocalypse

Actually, they have done a little preparing:

Zombie Preparedness

(So I must eat the crow...)

But, lets continue because there is more Zombie awesomeness below!
 __

They were nice enough to post on their blog that the Mayan Apocalypse was a no-go.

But Zombies? 

We have yet to hear what our elected officials are thinking.

(I don't count the CDC as elected officials)

This is why British Columbia just went up a notch in my book:
 

There it is my friends. 

A country preparing their residents.

Maybe it is a late-to-the-party effort, but it's still fun!

One Writer's Dilemma: And to think, it's only Wednesday...

The troubles of a small town

Small towns are great places to live. 

The sense of Community is strong

Neighbors help neighbors

everyone knows everyone

but small towns breed one thing...

 

Trouble!

Don't believe me, take a glance below:

Yes my friends, that is what we woke up to today.

An 8 ft Christmas tree, deposited on our front porch!

I'd like to say we laughed about it, but we didn't, because this monstrosity was pushed flush with the door so we couldn't get out. 

It's bad enough all my wonderful snow melted and

we had to take the back door and walk through the mud. 

So, Thank You small town douches.

I hope this new year brings you what you truly deserve, 

antibiotic-resistant syphilis

or an opossum-cat with rabies.