The hardest part of being a writer

I've had this blog post written and in the archives for a long time, waiting for the right time to press publish. I guess now is as good a time as any since most of it still applies. 

One Writer's Dilemma:

What's the hardest part of being a writer?

Time, recognition, money.

The list can go on and on and on.

What's hardest for me?

Telling people.

 

Not just any people, people I know.

I haven't even told my mother.  
True story folks.

I've been a closet writer for almost a year now. I have three completed novels under my belt and I have plans to get started on two more this year. 
No, they aren't published, yet, but soon. 
Which excites and scares me.

Why?

I can sum it up in one word: 
Failure

It's not that my writing may not get recognition, 
or that big publishers and agents continue to shoot me down. 

It's the failure in the eyes of people close to me that scares me the most.

It's that moment when you walk into a room and everyone eyeballs you and things get all uncomfortable and awkward because they know you've done something different. 

But no one wants to talk about it. 
Because you're not a super success. 

That's my fear. 

That's why I haven't told my mother, or most of my closest friends, or even my co-workers.

My New Year's resolution was to tell everyone what I've been doing.

Now ask me if I've done it...

Nope.

I know. I know. I need to grow some balls.

Until then I'll just continue drowning my worries with liquor.

What part of writing do you find the hardest?

(Update -- my secret has been out for about 5 months. That doesn't make it any easier. The self-doubt is still there, but at least I finally told my mother )