As a writer, insecurity is an emotion that I battle on a daily basis. This chord was plucked yesterday and resulted in a night of tossing and turning and reading. This is why: when talking about book signings with a family friend, I was asked why I don't venture out of my tiny little town to the nearby suburbs and approach the only Barnes and Noble around about a book signing at the store.
And this is where I choke.
It was so hard to tell him that I don't feel good enough to step into a brick and mortar.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not embarrassed or ashamed by my Indie success, I'm happy, I'm proud! But I find that when those strings of insecurity are tugged, it takes me days to weeks to get back into the flow of writing again. I don't know if I'm ready for Barnes and Noble, but I have had success at vendor fairs.
Then I read all of these blog posts from successful authors, who I've followed and their words have taught me most of what I know about the publishing industry today. And I read the words from Industry leaders, who I used to look up to. And I wish that those people who say things to me like, "maybe you'll get a real publisher," would read these articles and really see what's going on and understand my reasoning for not wanting a traditional publisher.
So what's a girl to do? Fill her editors Inbox throughout the night of course. (Thankfully, I have an understanding editor who puts up with my craziness and random middle-of-the-night messages.)
As we are talking, I tell her, "I just don't want to walk into a store and be judged by a bunch of book snobs who don't understand the industry."
This is where the voice of reason/Kristy steps in and simply responds with: "Who cares? Judgement is usually jealousy in disguise." (which I read with Morgan Freeman's voice)
The voice of reason.
And then this shows up: "In 1966, Andy Dufresne escaped from Shawshank prison. All they found of him was a muddy set of prison clothes, a bar of soap, and an old rock hammer, damn near worn down to the nub. I remember thinking it would take a man six hundred years to tunnel through the wall with it. Old Andy did it in less than twenty. Oh, Andy loved geology. I imagine it appealed to his meticulous nature. An ice age here, million years of mountain building there. Geology is the study of pressure and time. That's all it takes really, pressure, and time."
And this is where I choke.
It was so hard to tell him that I don't feel good enough to step into a brick and mortar.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not embarrassed or ashamed by my Indie success, I'm happy, I'm proud! But I find that when those strings of insecurity are tugged, it takes me days to weeks to get back into the flow of writing again. I don't know if I'm ready for Barnes and Noble, but I have had success at vendor fairs.
Then I read all of these blog posts from successful authors, who I've followed and their words have taught me most of what I know about the publishing industry today. And I read the words from Industry leaders, who I used to look up to. And I wish that those people who say things to me like, "maybe you'll get a real publisher," would read these articles and really see what's going on and understand my reasoning for not wanting a traditional publisher.
So what's a girl to do? Fill her editors Inbox throughout the night of course. (Thankfully, I have an understanding editor who puts up with my craziness and random middle-of-the-night messages.)
As we are talking, I tell her, "I just don't want to walk into a store and be judged by a bunch of book snobs who don't understand the industry."
This is where the voice of reason/Kristy steps in and simply responds with: "Who cares? Judgement is usually jealousy in disguise." (which I read with Morgan Freeman's voice)
The voice of reason.
And then this shows up: "In 1966, Andy Dufresne escaped from Shawshank prison. All they found of him was a muddy set of prison clothes, a bar of soap, and an old rock hammer, damn near worn down to the nub. I remember thinking it would take a man six hundred years to tunnel through the wall with it. Old Andy did it in less than twenty. Oh, Andy loved geology. I imagine it appealed to his meticulous nature. An ice age here, million years of mountain building there. Geology is the study of pressure and time. That's all it takes really, pressure, and time."
Can you see the traditional publishing walls crumbling?
Indie-publishing, the study of Pressure and Time.
Well as a girl who frequents B&N, I think you have every right to be there. Written word was meant to be read, (unless you suck but you don't) so call them up! I think it's an amazing opportunity to reach a bigger audience. I really hope you take the chance. Kristy is right, Judgement is usually jealousy in disguise. You got this! I'll help anyway I can because I think your books are great and I believe in supporting local talent! Keep up the fantastic work! Can't wait to read #3! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Shan!! You've been awesome in supporting me :) Word of mouth is the best promotion and I'm thankful that I have the best fans who tell everyone about the books.
DeleteBy fall, that's my plan, hopefully I'll grow some balls by then and call them up :)
This is so true.. the first thing people ask me when I tell them I'm a writer is: "Can I get your book in bookstores?"
ReplyDeleteAnd then you say yes, here's the ISBN number, they can order it in for you. Right?
Delete;)
Listen to the voice of reason!
ReplyDelete:)
DeletePerhaps it would help to remember that the people working in the Barnes & Noble (as well as all of its visitors) are people just like you --no better and no worse. :)
ReplyDeleteyes, yes they are :)
DeleteIndie publishing will never take over traditional publishing, but I'm hoping it will gain some tread, and force the traditional publishing industry to take a long, hard look at itself and adapt to the oncoming tides of change.
ReplyDeleteThat editor of yours sounds like one smart cookie! ;)
ReplyDelete