Friday, November 30, 2012

Zombie Friday: There are no words....

Must read link above

What's wrong?

I love looking at pictures of women with their chancres hanging out all year long...

Oh, those are Zombie lesions... 

Oops, my bad...


Methinks, one should not mess with the awesomeness that is the Zombie Apocalypse. 

(I don't care if this abomination of a calendar is over two years old,
I just found out about it on Wednesday night!)

Need a calendar pinup?

I've got one for you:

'Nuff said.


Wednesday, November 28, 2012

One Writer's Dilemma: I should be happy I just finished my second novel, right?

I just finished my second novel!
(Actually, I just sent it out to my beta-readers.)

So, what should I do now?

Leap for joy
Jump in glee
Dance in splendor

Jesus, no!

I'm going to give myself a peripheral IV so I can bypass my stomach and give the rum a direct route to my vascular system. 

Why? You ask.

Because that way I can numb all the feelings that come with finishing a novel. 

Which include:
  1. feeling awesome
  2. feeling like you suck
  3. feeling like the story you just wrote sucks
  4. feeling like your protagonist is a shallow dumb ass
  5. feeling like your love interest is a total douche, but hot, so that's borderline OK
  6. feeling like you accomplished yet another thing you've always wanted to
  7. feeling like you want to tell your family and friends but none of them know that you write stories in your spare time
  8. feeling like you are going to have a ton more editing to do once the beta-reader responses start coming in 
  9. feeling like you write like a nine year old

I'm still going to give myself a peripheral IV so I can bypass my stomach and give the Double-Shot of rum a direct route to my vascular system.

But Why? You continue to ask.

Because the freaking Apocalypse is coming in T-23 days!

Which means no one will ever get to read the things I wrote. 

Even if they are awesome and only contain borderline suck-ness...


That also means I need to start stocking up on bullets and canned food, 



or backup batteries for my laptop, or pen and paper. Because how can I continue writing when there is no power for my laptop?!

And how can I query agents and editors if the Apocalypse is on it's way?

I mean, their email in boxes are filled with like 200-2,000,000 emails a day.

(I mean, I get like 7 emails a day: 3 from Toys R Us, 2 from Disney, and 2 from my favorite fish store)

They will never get to send me another rejection notice! 

Good thing I found this instructional piece on how to make your own bound books!

This brings a whole new meaning to self-publishing.

I hope you all can read my handwriting, and still have your eyesight, and have time to read between fighting off the zombies...

Source: via Jessica on Pinterest

Friday, November 23, 2012

One Writer's Dilemma: I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up...

I can't believe, in just a few short weeks, I will have been alive on this earth for 31 years.

When I think about how I felt when I turned 30, now, there's no looking back, I've peaked the crest and I hope it isn't all down hill from here. 

It's already bad, people call me things like Mrs and lady... 
and I never get carded at the liquor store anymore.
Well, maybe that's because I'm there all the time...

Still, when it comes to my life goals, I think I've met most of them. 
Even if a few have changed over the years.

Last year I told myself, I needed to move on, either back to school for another degree or something else.  I wasn't quite sure.

I was bored, antsy, devouring books at an unhealthy pace (just ask my bank account)

I think that was when I really decided I was going to get back into writing. I had discovered I've been truly happy when I've been writing. 

Before, it was writing journal articles, running experiments in the lab, I loved it, bringing home my data and writing into the night. It was technical writing, editing, working with some of the biggest names in the scientific community.
I. Felt. Awesome.
Like this, or better:

Until the day I learned my job funding was being cut.

Then I had to move on, I had a toddler, a husband, a mortgage and a mountain of student loans.

So, against everyone's suggestions of pursuing my master's or PhD, 
I instead got my nursing degree.

Now, I feel like I have the best of both worlds, 
I get to save lives and write science enriched fiction. 

I've decided I can't choose one or the other, it has to be both.

*Notice both include drinking!


I've realized I don't need money to make myself happy.
I may not be rich and I may be borderline broke but
I have my family
I have a job
I have writing

Still, I sometimes wonder:

Zombie Fridays: The unexpected Zombie

We all know what the unexpected Zombie is, 

it's that silent as hell Zombie that sneaks up behind your favorite character just as they least expect it...

Or, that silent as hell Zombie that finally takes that annoying as all hell character out of the picture...

Sometimes the Unexpected Zombie brings on feelings of fright, sadness or absolute glee.

When relating this situation to real life,
I find the unexpected Zombie is similar to: 
  1. that $5 bill you find in last years jacket
  2. that frozen box of thin mints you find in the back of the freezer
  3. the last pair of clean underwear you thought you didn't have on laundry day
  4. the clutch of baby fish you find in your fish tank, when you thought your guppies were all male...

Because no species is safe.

Not even the fairytale creatures.

Monday, November 19, 2012

One Writer's Dilemma: I'm way too distracted by my love for geek-ery things...

I should be editing, writing, finishing book 2. 
Because I told one of my beta-readers it would be ready by... 
oh... last week! 

But then I find these things, these joyous, hilarious, friggin' awesome things online, 
and I am so easily distracted by them.

For example:
I'm a super fan of the show Supernatural

So getting to see this clip again made me smile

Oh wells...

I'd like to say that maybe now I'll get back to writing today, but sadly no.

Probably later, after the house is asleep.

Until then, I leave you with this creep-tastic bit:

Happy Thanksgiving/Black Friday/Start of the Holiday Season

Friday, November 16, 2012

Zombie Fridays: Because every girl needs to look good while slaughtering the living dead

I have a deep dark secret that I need to confess...

I'm a zombie lover.

Actually, they scare the $hiZy out of me. 

But I feel like the only way to face this fear, is to learn to love them... 
and prepare myself for the impending Zombie Apocalypse.. 

Because we all know, it's coming.

So I've decided every Friday will be my Zombie posting day. 


Because I work night shift every weekend, 
and most of the time I feel like (and look like) a zombie. 

So please, don't chop my head off, you may need me to save your life someday.

Keep calm I'm a nurse/biochemist/writerofsometimesawesomethings.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

One Writer's Dilemma: My computer almost died and took my second draft to laptop hell...

Like any good writer with OCD, I save my work. And then I save it again... and again.
I save drafts, rough drafts, notes, beta reader edits, editor edits. They are all neatly labeled and filed away. I even manage to back them up to my email. Just in case.

And I like to envision my computer's innards similar to this:

I also have this problem of saving my emails.
Is hoarding a problem? 
Because I'm sure my inbox could be compared to one of those houses on Hoarders.

No joke, when my husband walks by my computer he usually gasps in horror at the fact that I usually have over 1,000 emails in my inbox.
Hey, don't judge, a few months ago I cleaned it up and got it down to 700.
I'm just glad electronic files don't rot and smell...


So back to my OCD-ness of saving.

I woke up a few days ago and thought to myself:


"I haven't done a backup in a while. 
I should do that again soon."

A few days later, I'm sitting in my living room, typing away, alone, at night. Editing my beloved second draft of novel number 2.
And just as I write the words "Brain scans." 
My computer screen goes black.

No power. No love. Nothing.
As I'm staring at my laptop in horror, trying not to scream like there's a hoard of zombies in my living room.

I remember the thought I had of backing up my work. 
So I grab my trusty iPhone and check my email, thinking to myself: "it's ok, don't panic

I find that the last backup was over two weeks old!

(Enter looks of confusion coming from Stevie-dog at my groans of despair.)


So then I'm thinking I might be onto something 
in the fictional world I've been creating for months
and maybe the government has been watching me 
and maybe they shut my shit down... 


Back to real life:

I have a few choices now:
  1. I can run up stairs and wake up my husband sobbing "fix it, fix it right now!" 
  2. I can bring it to some computer repair place in three days because I have to work my real job, three days, ugh. 
  3. I can fix this shit myself
I chose option 3.

Thank you iPhone and reading glasses.
I search and search and search. 
I press random buttons on my keyboard that someone said might work.

I'm pretty sure I resemble this image:

I pray to the lord Jesus.

Nothing happens.

  Ultimate sadness :(

It's when I look down to my power cord that I realize the green light is off. And when I check the power outlet I see I plugged it into an outlet which is attached to a light switch, which happens to be in the off position.
I unplug, hold my trusty green apple Inspiron to my chest and make way for the dining room. Where I plug the power chord into a different outlet and immediately hear the strange noises my laptop makes when it's loading up.

Yay!! The Joy!! The Glee!!

Thank you Autosave!

Thank you random power outlet!

Thank you Dell Inspiron 1525 for not going to laptop hell and bringing my files with you Iloveyousomuch! 

Thank you Stevie-dog for not judging!

The first thing I did was save that shit and email it to myself.

Then I poured myself some more rum. - As I pour my fourth glass of rum and coke, I think of you.  

Monday, November 12, 2012

One Writer's Dilemma:Querying is the bane of my existence...

One Writer's Dilemma:Querying is the bane of my existence...

There is this thing we must do as writers if we want to get published traditionally.

That is...

you guessed it write a query letter.

(I think I just threw up a little in my mouth)

I've researched, read, reached out, edited, edited, edited, bugged my beta readers, edited, reached out to Agents who offer their help in exchange for a little personal ridicule....edited, stalked agents, edited, read how to write blah blah blah... edited some more, stalked some more, made lists and lists and lists,  and edited.

Now, I have 8 different versions of my query letter and a very efficient excel spreadsheet

What have I learned?

What I actually learned:

  1. I think I wasted about three weeks of my life.
  2. Half the agents contradicted what they want
  3. Everyone wants something different
  4. Your letter must be perfect or it's implied you suck
  5. Don't expect a response letter
  6. The response letters you get back will be few and far between
  7. Some of the response letters are so poorly written it makes one wonder... I'm not going to finish that thought
  8. Some of the response letters, were inspirational
  9. I think the only thing getting published right now is young adult (seriously, I went to B&N today and the YA section had taken over the first three bookshelves. I had to ask for help finding an adult best seller, they had been moved to the back of the store)

With the success of Amazon and drama from the merger of certain publishing companies, I'm thinking Indie might be the way to go these days.

But who knows, I might actually get a response.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

One Writer's Dilemma: I forgot how to socialize with real live people...

One Writer's Dilemma: I forgot how to socialize with real live people...

I guess it happens to most writers, I spend a good part of my day in front of my computer, interacting with fictional characters. And soon, I've forgotten how to complete a sentence. It's true, ask any of my coworkers...

Today just solidified the issue. I had a family member visit for a few hours, and then I talked on the phone for another hour. Needless to say, I didn't get much writing done today, and I'm exhausted from all the talking.

When I'm not working, writing, or pretending to keep my house in order, 
I'm hanging out with these "friends"

These fish are my friends!

So are these!

And these!

This is how I spent my summer, socializing with plants...

No life is fulfilled without a few good dogs!

Which has resulted in this:

And the reason why I drink so much at social events...

Good thing I stocked up on rum last night.