Sunday, March 31, 2013

Happy Easter! - If not for Halloween, Easter would be my favorite zombie-related holiday.

I just got done saving lives for the past two nights, 
So I'm celebrating Easter by going to bed.

Happy Easter!

Enjoy the eggs,

And the peeps!

Sunday, March 24, 2013

One Writer's Dilemma: I'm sorry I killed you in my book...

So, you're writing this really great story, 

at least, you think it's great.

And it's magnificent and sparkly

And then you realize.... 
Someone has to die.
 or, be dead.

And usually you research names, you think and sort and trial what might be good. 
But this time, you just pluck a perfectly good, normal name out of the back of your head.

You write the character, and immediately kill them




And you go on with your story. Never thinking much about that poor dead character.
And you publish your book, your friends and family and co-workers read it. 

And all is good.

Then, one day you wake up to a message that says: 
"You killed Jim Waters?!"
(see below)

Things were a little awkward, mostly because I felt like an ass.

Now, Jim's a pretty cool guy, 
he can solder and shit, 
keep that in mind for when the apocalypse hits,
and you need something soldered.

I'm sorry I killed you Jim.
Maybe I can redeem myself and bring you back from the dead in another book...

Monday, March 18, 2013

The Secret Formula for a Bestseller

I think I see that some authors have found a new formula for creating Bestsellers. 

And I am about to let you all in on the secret...

(drum roll please)



Yes, unicorns. 

Now you may have read some Bestsellers lately and thought to yourself: 

I never saw a unicorn in there.
I would know if I saw a mythical beast in a book...

Let's review the formula for these New Adult/Young Adult Contemporary Bestsellers (no, I'm not going to name names, or titles, because that's mean and douchy):  


Hunkybroodingbadboymanchild + Shakespearean dialog + super in touch with emotions =  Protagonist's love interest

That my friends is a fucking unicorn

And here's a newsflash: 
there is no brooding football player/bad-boy/vampire/werewolf that will fulfill this formula
these young men don't exist


not even in the mountains of North Korea.
 (go to that link and read, it will enrich your life)


Don't get me wrong. When I completed these books my initial reaction was that I really liked them. I even re-read some parts. It's when I sat back for a few weeks and thought about them and what makes them so successful and great and awesome, that I figured this out.

Now, I have to retreat to my usual science fiction. 

Reading these chick-flick novels is turning my insides all soft and gooshey.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Monday, March 11, 2013

Dear Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for your suggestions. I'm glad you enjoyed the book. 

The Phoenix Project - Paperback Release!

Don't have a Kindle? or Kindle app?

$8.99 in the Amazon store

Want to know what people are saying?
See one of the many 5-star reviews below:

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Looking for Inspiration? Try T-rex!

As an author... Yes, I have taken it upon myself to call myself an author... I published my debut novel after all!

As an author, I look for inspiration everywhere. In the places I go and the mundane tasks I complete. I observe and examine like a total creeper. 
I answer questions awkwardly to see people's reactions... 
(actually, I'm just awkward)

I look at pictures and read and watch movies. 

All these tasks help me find inspiration in my writing to develop new stories and characters.

Are you searching for inspiration?

I've found some.

 Tyrannosaurus Rex

And now you ask: "Why choose T-Rex?"

T-Rex was one of the fiercest predators of the late cretaceous period

So why would he make a great protagonist or villain?

Let's look at the deeper side of T-Rex:

T-Rex has trouble showing emotions...

T-Rex has wishes, hopes, and dreams that many don't know about...

T-Rex has trouble with simple day-to-day tasks...

 T-Rex has trouble with self-image....

T-Rex struggled in High School...

T-Rex gets judged for shit he has no control over...

T-Rex is kinda like the black-sheep of the family...

 T-Rex likes to tell jokes... 
and sometimes they're not that funny... 
and no-one laughs...

T-Rex has one hell of a digestive system...

 Even with all of the factors inhibiting T-Rex he's found a way to succeed:

 And this, my friends, is why T-Rex may just be your perfect protagonist.

Friday, March 8, 2013

The Phoenix Project eBook release

In case you missed it:

The Phoenix Project hit #3 on the Amazon Kindle Bestsellers list for 3 consecutive days!!

Didn't get the eBook during the promo?

Paperback release 3/18/13
*More Deals to come*

Reviews are rolling in and they are great!  

What career would you choose during the Zombie Apocalypse?

The one good thing about the Zombie Apocalypse

No Bills!


I'm actually hoping it starts soon so I can get out from under my mountain of student loan debt.


When the money is gone and we get to start over

What will your new career be?

Squirrel soup maker/Chef
Crappy Mom