One Writer's Dilemma: What genre does my book fit in?

I'm sure you've read it too, for each submission to an editor or agent: 

"specify the genre of your work."

Wait, what?

But my work combines the awesomest tidbits of each genre.

 How can I specify just one?

Then you read in red, bold font: 

If submission guidelines are not followed we will toss your submission into the burning flames of hell and blacklist your name...

Well, maybe it doesn't quite say that. 

But that's what it feels like!

I mean, there are some books which fall right into a specific genre. 

Cut and dry, mystery, thriller, romance, action/adventure, etc, etc, etc. 

But my favorites, 

they always seem to mix genres.

You know what I mean. 

"The Hunger Games": sci-fi, action/adventure, romance.

"The Night Circus": mystery, suspense, fantasy.

"The DaVinci Code": mystery, thriller, suspense, a little SF, religious, historical

 

And don't judge me for loving The Hunger Games...

  

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Moving on:

Maybe it's the science geek in me, but I like to view a book in terms of it's genetic variation, that is, its mixing of genres...

Now you may ask: What the....?

Let me explain. 

What does genetic variation give us? 

Strength in our genetic code. 

It's the reason why we don't procreate with our first cousins (yuck) 

or closer family members (double yuck)

Because we wind up with creatures like this:

Like the genetic code ideas become short when we limit ourselves

They take on a boorishness that we can expect, that we can predict

and as a reader, that's not fun.

For example, 

take the Pug dog

Super cute, short snouted puppy

But the truth is, it's inbred, and any purebred breed hosts a variety of genetic diseases and disorders, leading to a short life and an untimely death.

The same goes for strict genre barriers. 

Yes it's a mystery, yes it's good, but that's it, I'm going to forget about it not long after I've read it. 

Now, let's look at the mutt.

Some are cute, some are ugly.

Take Stevie... 

she's a mutt, well, actually she's a shepadoodle, 

and she's one of the best dogs I've had the pleasure of knowing

  

(PS I love you Stevie!!)

You know what's great about a mutt? They have great genes, nature remixes all those phenotypes, cuts out all those mutations from years of retarded variation... and what do you get? 

Great Health and longevity

 

The words on those pages will grow old and wrinkle up in the depths of your brain so you can enjoy the memories of having read that awesome book forever.

Much like the skin on an old man...

 

Truth be told, I'm over it, I'm all for blending genres..

I'm all for genetic diversity.
 

So why limit yourself.
 

Buy a mutt, buy a genre blending novel, you'll be happy, it wont suffer from the downfalls of inbreeding. It will be smart and funny and linger in your life for years to come.

Crossbreeding works well in nature, so why not in book genres?

Oh wait, it does...

 

Therefore, 

I defy you submission guidelines!

Does this make sense? 

Because I'm sure it's mostly wine talking...

Zombie Friday: The countdown

Warning: 

Only 14 days left until the Apocalypse!
 

What scares me the most?

I work in a hospital... hospitals are always the epicenter.

Of all that is awesome... unicorn warriors

So a few weeks back I was perusing Tor.com, and came across this fabulous artwork. I just assumed it was for an upcoming book and make a mental note to look for it in the book store. Then I visit the site today and see the same awesome artwork, for one of their featured short stories. 

So I read the story:

Heads Will Roll

Lish McBride

illustration by Hannah Christenson

And your life will not be compete unless you read it too.

 I mean, what's more awesome than an animal trainer who trains freaking unicorns...

 and fights it? 

What's more awesome than a unicorn named Steve? 

(I'm partial to the name, since my own dog is named Stevie) 

What's more awesome than telepathic communication between said trainer and unicorn? 

The unicorn has it's own voice, and it's sarcastically hilarious. 

I want to print it out, bind it in hardcover and read it over and over and over again. 

Just read it. 

I bow to you Lish McBride and your original and entertaining writing.

It's times like these, when I look back at my own writing and think, holy shitsnacks this blows, I wish I could write like THAT.

Amaze-balls.

Now, I'm going to put dinner in the crock pot and I'm going to rearrange the fish tanks. However, I am not going to clean the shower. Because, I can only hope one of McBride's mystical creatures may grow from the pre-embryonic goo that currently grows there.

One Writer's Dilemma: I just killed off my protagonists parents...

 I just killed off my protagonists parents...

Yeah, I just did that.

And now I'm feeling...

way guilty.

Just like a few months ago when I killed off a main character in another novel.

__________________

Seriously, though, they were nice people, they were great people.

They took my little protagonist in, raised her as their own,
moved from town to town when things got hairy.

Now they're gone.

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You see, while novel dos is out to the beta's, I decided to start an entirely new project.

Part deux took a lot out of me, and I still feel like I rushed the last third of the novel
and I need to go back and do some edits.

But I'm wiped. 

Those characters have exhausted me with all their drama.

Now, here I sit, new project, new story.

typing my fingers to the bone

staying up late

not cleaning

making boboli for dinner

Still, I killed off those sweet people.

Hopefully I can live with myself, enough to finish this.

May you rest in peace

Fiona and Jon

Your 'adopted' daughter is about to do something awesome.

Zombie Friday: There are no words....

The Walking Dead’s zombie bikini calendar went horribly, horribly wrong

Must read link above

http://io9.com/5964058/the-walking-deads-zombie-bikini-calendar-went-horribly-horribly-wrong

What's wrong?

I love looking at pictures of women with their chancres hanging out all year long...

Oh, those are Zombie lesions... 

Oops, my bad...

____________________________________

Methinks, one should not mess with the awesomeness that is the Zombie Apocalypse. 

(I don't care if this abomination of a calendar is over two years old,
I just found out about it on Wednesday night!)

Need a calendar pinup?

I've got one for you:

'Nuff said.

 

One Writer's Dilemma: I should be happy I just finished my second novel, right?

I just finished my second novel!

(Actually, I just sent it out to my beta-readers.)

So, what should I do now?

Leap for joy

Jump in glee

Dance in splendor

Jesus, no!

I'm going to give myself a peripheral IV so I can bypass my stomach and give the rum a direct route to my vascular system. 

Why? You ask.

Because that way I can numb all the feelings that come with finishing a novel. 

Which include:

1. feeling awesome
2. feeling like you suck
3. feeling like the story you just wrote sucks
4. feeling like your protagonist is a shallow dumb ass
5. feeling like your love interest is a total douche, but hot, so that's borderline OK
6. feeling like you accomplished yet another thing you've always wanted to
7. feeling like you want to tell your family and friends but none of them know that you write stories in your spare time
8. feeling like you are going to have a ton more editing to do once the beta-reader responses start coming in 
9. feeling like you write like a nine year old

I'm still going to give myself a peripheral IV so I can bypass my stomach and give the Double-Shot of rum a direct route to my vascular system.

But Why? You continue to ask.

Because the freaking Apocalypse is coming in T-23 days!

Which means no one will ever get to read the things I wrote. 

Even if they are awesome and only contain borderline suck-ness...

 


That also means I need to start stocking up on bullets and canned food, 

 

 




or backup batteries for my laptop, or pen and paper. Because how can I continue writing when there is no power for my laptop?!

 
And how can I query agents and editors if the Apocalypse is on it's way?

I mean, their email in boxes are filled with like 200-2,000,000 emails a day.

(I mean, I get like 7 emails a day: 3 from Toys R Us, 2 from Disney, and 2 from my favorite fish store)

They will never get to send me another rejection notice! 

Good thing I found this instructional piece on how to make your own bound books!

This brings a whole new meaning to self-publishing.

I hope you all can read my handwriting, and still have your eyesight, and have time to read between fighting off the zombies...
 
 

Source: repinly.com via Jessica on Pinterest

One Writer's Dilemma: I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up...

I can't believe, in just a few short weeks, I will have been alive on this earth for 31 years.

When I think about how I felt when I turned 30, now, there's no looking back, I've peaked the crest and I hope it isn't all down hill from here. 

It's already bad, people call me things like Mrs and lady... 
and I never get carded at the liquor store anymore.
Well, maybe that's because I'm there all the time...

Still, when it comes to my life goals, I think I've met most of them. 
Even if a few have changed over the years.

Last year I told myself, I needed to move on, either back to school for another degree or something else.  I wasn't quite sure.

I was bored, antsy, devouring books at an unhealthy pace (just ask my bank account)

I think that was when I really decided I was going to get back into writing. I had discovered I've been truly happy when I've been writing. 

Before, it was writing journal articles, running experiments in the lab, I loved it, bringing home my data and writing into the night. It was technical writing, editing, working with some of the biggest names in the scientific community.
I. Felt. Awesome.
Like this, or better:

Until the day I learned my job funding was being cut.

Then I had to move on, I had a toddler, a husband, a mortgage and a mountain of student loans.

So, against everyone's suggestions of pursuing my master's or PhD, 
I instead got my nursing degree.

Now, I feel like I have the best of both worlds, 
I get to save lives and write science enriched fiction. 

I've decided I can't choose one or the other, it has to be both.

*Notice both include drinking!

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I've realized I don't need money to make myself happy.

I may not be rich and I may be borderline broke but

I have my family

I have a job

I have writing

Still, I sometimes wonder: