One Writer's Dilemma: New Year's Resolutions

Usually I don't bother with resolutions, not because I don't follow them 
(unless it has to do with losing weight or eating less, those one's I always fail on), 
 it's because every year of my life I've always had professional and personal goals I've wanted to achieve. And each year I manage to achieve them.


But this year I've seen a lot of people saying they aren't going to be jealous of others success.

Reading this causes my right eye to twitch just a little

why?

Because I'm going to be jealous as shit of other people's success



 

I'm not going to sit back and smile and nod 

and say things like 
"That's great" or "Good for them" 
and go on my merry way.

No sir ye Bob.




Don't get me wrong, I'm going to be happy for their success.

Then I'm going to go home and work my tush off so I can be successful too.

No that doesn't include a clean bathroom, or fridge, or that mold being removed from around my dishwasher, or picking up the dog poop everyday in the backyard so my husband doesn't step in it.

Seriously, no one ever became successful because they were simply happy for other people. 
No. 
They became successful because they wanted that same success, they craved it, and dwelled upon it, and wrote about it, and dreamed about it, and let it tear a ulcer in their gut. Then they took some Pepcid and got on with it! 


It's those people who can harness the energy of jealousy and turn it into something wonderful, who become successful themselves.

Think about it:


 

Example 1:

T-Rex didn't rise to the top of the food chain because he was "happy" for the Velociraptor's success of taking down that Stegosaurus. 
Hell NO! 
T-rex pulled up the sleeves on his tiny little arms and got in there, he was so jealous of that Velociraptor he stole that shit and ate it. That's how T-Rex got his success. 

 

Example 2:

Unicorn Man didn't become Unicorn Man by being so happy and joyful for the other unicorn people, did he? 
Hell NO!
Unicorn man took it upon himself to harness his jealous energy and make something so awesome we are all without words:



(see you're freaking speechless!!!)






That's how you rise to the top of the food chain my friends. 



You let that jealousy brew within your cold, dead little heart until something amazing happens!

It's good to be jealous. That's the truth. I read it on the internet.

So while you're putting together your New Year's Resolutions add a little jealousy in there

be a T-Rex

be Unicorn Man

and: